“Hair”-rendous

April 4, 2006
Posted by

It leaves one in either speechless, or completely dumbfounded. How can their mothers/wives/girlfriends make them go out in public like that?

I am talking of the ‘fashion statements’ our professional rugby players are making of course, and specifically, hairstyles.

Simnikiwe Xabanisa has picked his top 10 of the most laughable, or shameful, hairstyles of this years Super 14. Feel free to add your favourite favourite.

GERHARD VOSLOO (Cats)

Anything David Beckham peddles, including the now-defunct mohican, has no place on a rugby field, let alone on an openside flanker’s head.

GRANT ESTERHUIZEN (Cats)

There’s a faint whiff of struggling porn star in the ponytailed manner in which Esterhuizen wears his hair nowadays.

MATT HENJAK (Force)

About the only thing that outstrips old Handbags’ silly behaviour off the pitch is the hair on his head. How can anyone be stupid enough to turn up on a rugby field looking like a peacock, what with those twin yellow streaks and beetroot patch on his head?

COBUS GROBLER (Cheetahs)

Nicknamed Varkhond, he looks more like an Angora goat.

SIONE LAUAKI (Chiefs)

The 1.92m, 118kg frame is enough of a giveaway for his destructive power — trying to appear cute and cuddly by tying his dreadlocks in pigtails just won’t hack it.

SOSENE ANESI (Chiefs)

Will this one-man Kevin Pietersen fan club also adopt the English cricketer’s current skinhead haircut?

JERRY COLLINS (Hurricanes)

Somebody once suggested that Jeza’s blond top made him look like a potent pint of Guinness. We suspect that’s why teammate Lome Fa’atau started the fight in the Bloemfontein nightclub.

RODNEY BLAKE (Reds)

Seeing that he is reputed to be the biggest man in Australian rugby (he weighs over 130kg), we suppose his barber did not have the gumption to tell him the mullet hasn’t been hip in about two decades.

LLOYD JOHANSSON (Reds)

Johansson scored with his second touch in international rugby against New Zealand during last year’s Tri-Nations, so he went and got himself an electric zigzag mohawk. He hasn’t scored since.

PHIL WAUGH (Waratahs)

Just because the openside flanker does his best work in the relative cave of rugby doesn’t mean he should look like a caveman.

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56 Comments

  1. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 1:58 pm

    Ja

    In the Army we had one haircut and everyone in rugby should also have a haircut like this.

    Ag nee man, let the okes do what they need to to display their individuality.

  2. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:10 pm

    LONG LIVE “THE PANDIET”!

  3. avatar bryce_in_oz says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    “In the Army we had one haircut…”

    That’s why us Durban boys absconded lol!

    Surely Varkhond takes the prize…scary stuff!

    cheers
    bryce

  4. avatar pietploos says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:17 pm

    Can someone tell Vosloo – Beckham – was “The last of the mohicans”

  5. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:22 pm

    Phil Waugh just looks weird.

  6. avatar il postino says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:32 pm

    Agree David – it’s amazing that SA seems to be the last outpost of the short back and sides. If okes like Bakkies and Petoors had actually done any national service they wouldn’t be so keen to perpetuate the hairstyle. Thankfully there are lots of SA players prepared to be more up with the times when it comes to the hair.

  7. avatar WGC says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:37 pm

    Yep, the “hairendous” hairdo prize must go to Cobus Grobler

  8. avatar il postino says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:40 pm

    David, Bryce

    In the less enlightened parts of the country, the youngsters used to look forward to the army – for them it was a chance to grow their hair long and wear shoes.

  9. avatar castro says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 2:53 pm

    il postino

    :lol:

  10. avatar bryce_in_oz says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:10 pm

    LOL, nice one Possie!

  11. avatar Jaap says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:33 pm

    How bout ol’ Kobus Wiese. Strange!!

  12. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:38 pm

    I saw this Gerhard Vosloo in a Spar before the Super 14 started.He was actually wearing some Ctas training kit as well.Sure he doesnt wear that kit out in the public unless if he has to.The Mullet with mowhawk is so Maori and doesnt fit a pakeha espicialli a blonde one with straight hair.This oke must have heaps of ngemari laughing at his hairstyle when he is in NZ.And i promise you guys he is not big at all when compared to your run of the mill garden type Maori.

  13. avatar Oranje Orakel says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:43 pm

    Sometimes Phil Waugh looks like Quasimodo

  14. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:46 pm

    Waugh looks like a hyena.

  15. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:47 pm

    OO I think you owe Quasimodo a apology for comparing him to Waugh and to a Aussie as well.

  16. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:48 pm

    heheh,

    true OO.

    i must bring out ashley johnson here as well.

    man this boy has a mop of hair, almost looks like richard symmonds.

  17. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:49 pm

    ashwin willemse looks like shaft.

  18. avatar Oranje Orakel says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:49 pm

    PA The Afro is again in Style boet

    Check out Bevin Fortuin- mind you Varkhond is truly local then

  19. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:50 pm

    PA dis fyn om n out there hairstyle te he,maar dan moet jy die game he om dit op teback.

  20. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:55 pm

    true.

    mind you ashley back sy game met sy hare, so ook ou fortuin.

    ou varkhond…. ja wel.

    willemse lyk rerig soos iets uit n 70′s movie though.

  21. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:56 pm

    en hoekom is meeste scrummies deesdae kaalkop?

    bolla, january, cordingly, gregan…

  22. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:56 pm

    Apparently The Cats are having a golf day with SAA tomorrow.

    Why are they playing golf when they should be getting endless canings from the Meneer who is in charge, Andy Turner?

    And by this I include Frans Ludikris.

    Maybe a few canings would sort out their lacksadaisical approach to playing the game.

  23. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:57 pm

    Have you seen Earl when he takes off the scrumcap?

    Mopkop

  24. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 3:59 pm

    DavidS Earls mop will out perform the Floorwizz Pro that they always adverise on tv.

  25. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:00 pm

    The real good players let their walk do the talking and not their hairstyle

    Witness Dan Carter, John Smit and Richie McCaw….

    Victor Matfield looks like a seventies takhaar too.

    In fact when he and Danie Coetzee played together p[layed together they looked like to fitters who had finished their shift on a Friday afternoon and forgotten to wash the grease and take a shave.

    True Vuil Baarde

  26. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:01 pm

    DvidS Mr Turner flew out to NZ to meet his team and came back stating that he backs Ludecke.A case of we are all in this together maybe?

  27. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:02 pm

    Damn right bliksem!

    Danie Coetzee and Victor Matfield look like the two guys you don’t want to walk into on Friday night at your local Watergat.

    The kind of okes who tune you:

    VM: Check you my cherrie uit?

    You: Nee

    VM: Hoekom nie? Scheme jy nie sy’s hot nie? Ek klap jou boetie!

    DC: Ek scheme ons moet sy frame anyway buckle oorlat hy nie vir ons cherries kyk nie…

  28. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:05 pm

    Then maybe it’s time GLRU Trust does something then and maybe gives them a caning.

    In a perfect world, Frans Ludeke coaches and Andy Turner manages the Burundi national soccer team that loses a crucial AFCON qualifying match against Rwanda in Bujumbura because they refused to let a talented Tutsi player into the starting lineup…

    ps. And Stuart Dickensen is the ref, while Paul Honiss and George Ayoub are the linesmen….

    Ahhhhh

    A man can dream….

  29. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:07 pm

    DavidS as for Mallets plan to “save” SA Rugby i would like to see him save Stromers rugby first.Baby steps nick baby steps.

  30. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:08 pm

    Also if the proffesionals are ct from 400 to 200 I reckon 75% of the cats and stormers wont have contracts anymore.

  31. avatar il postino says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:10 pm

    DavidS

    Your story is not so far fetched. Isn’t that exactly what happened to some oke in a pub in Brits where Danie Rossouw was drinking?

    As for referees, lest we forget Tappe’s hairdo last year …

  32. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:13 pm

    Yep postino.Danie came into the pub and just handed out pakslae.the guy dropped the charges that he had laid later.

  33. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:16 pm

    Bliksem

    He’s so-called plan is something he presented years ago and he said the same thing.

    It’s like what they did to our professional cricket.

    Instead of having twelve useless teams we now have six.

    The same will happen to rugby if mallett’s plan works. Also it’s really brillinat to call the decisionmakers in SA Rugby ‘stupid’. A really inventive and unique way to win friends and influence people.

    Mallet should rather go back and start where he came from.

    Save BOLAND, then move onto WP and THEN maybe we can look at rugby in South Africa.

    With less cash, New Zealand is dynamically producing players at a huge rate with hundreds of clubs and a huge number of provinces.

    In the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s we had a myriad of provincial groupings and stars were coming out through those at a rate of incredible knots.

    Cutting the numbers will just guranatee that eventually the Boks will be like Bafana Bafana.

    Begging rich overseas European clubs to let us a have our best players for internationals.

    Oh and similarly, many of our best players will be playing in the national colours of other countries.

  34. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:16 pm

    Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?

    Because it saves time.

  35. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:18 pm

    DavidS look which brilliant players mallet inherited when he took over from the Boks.As far as coaching in France.The French cannot be coached to such a extent as NZ or Aus so is his trackrecord there really a true reflection?I think not.

  36. avatar PissAnt says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:23 pm

    A traffic policeman stopped a drunken driver and asked him to blow into the bag. The driver promptly handed him a card which said: ASTHMATIC: DON’T TAKE BREATH SAMPLES.

    The policeman said in that case, he would take a blood sample, whereupon the driver handed over another card which read: HAEMOPHILIAC: DON’T TAKE BLOOD SAMPLES.

    By this time the policeman was getting somewhat annoyed, so he demanded a urine sample. The driver produced a third card which read: STORMERS RUGBY: SUPPORTERS CLUB: DON’T TAKE THE PISS.

  37. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:24 pm

    Probably someone didn’t scheme his cherrie was hot so he decided to hand out pakslae.

    The oke dropped the charges after Heyneke phones him and told him the whole Bulls team knows where he are can like to lived and would be popping around to tune him what’s what if he didn’t drop the charges….

  38. avatar KSA Shark says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:25 pm

    Hey how did Bevan (kandas) Fortuin not make the list??

    Phil Waugh wears his hear like that because he is going bald. :wink:

  39. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:26 pm

    DavidS some of those “Jy tune my grof ek maak jou glad” okes.

  40. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:27 pm

    Um Bliksem

    At Stade he had thirteen incumbent French international players when he coached them.

    If you fail at club level with that calibre of player set then you don’t deserve to coach Under 9′s…

  41. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:29 pm

    Exactly DavidS.a mate of mine reckons you coach a french backline like this.Blow the whistle at the start of the practice.Throw a ball to the backline.Go sit on the stands.Blow the whistle 60 minutes later to end the practice.

  42. avatar KSA Shark says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:30 pm

    PA :mrgreen:

  43. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:30 pm

    Bliksem

    Don’t you reckon someone like Vic and Danie look like those kind of characters?

    On the opposite side, of course Bakkies is a good Afrikaner seun who will bliksem you in the face and no verneuk houe in the kidneys or even skop you on the ground.

  44. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:32 pm

    DavidS i dont know.But danie has to remember he is in the public spotlight so choose your friends,pubs and actions with a lot of thought.

  45. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:33 pm

    I would think the same thing bliksem.

    The French are notoriously tempramental.

    You never know how they’re going to play and there’s never a plan.

    Sometimes they’ll lose against Romania and other times they’ll smash New Zealand.

    Just depends on whether they feel like playing on the day.

  46. avatar DavidS says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:34 pm

    I suppose he has to be careful.

    But then again, who’d be dof enough to tune him grief?

    Surely that oke deserves what comes to him when Danie starts tuning him what’s what?

  47. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:36 pm

    DavidS I believe the way a player trains reflects his attitude on the park.Same as for self controll of the field reflecting it on the field.I mean know matter what happend or was said to him in a pub surely his career should be first in his mind than some short term vindication.If a oke swears at you sue him its that simple especially if you are a high profile person.

  48. avatar il postino says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:38 pm

    Maybe the oke was doffer than Danie.

    Oke (smoking under no smoking/rook verbode sign)

    Danie (pointing at sign): Hey can you not like can like to mos read?

    Oke (genuinely puzzled): No?

  49. avatar .bliksem says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:40 pm

    Guys its simple.Oke starts shit get the bouncers to remove him or just say”Cheers manne ek soek nie kak nie” and leave the place.Geen kak en drama nie.Enjoy the evening I am off.

  50. avatar il postino says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 4:41 pm

    Or maybe the oke asked him why Victor has a cool hairdo and he doesn’t.

  51. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 5:09 pm

    Fukk,i missed all this kakpraat

  52. avatar shields says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 7:35 pm

    Hi,

    OO I am so sorry for never posting on your site. The truth is that my son really keeps me very busy so mostly I will just read articles on your blog or on Rugga or on Keo but hardly post.

    The fanclub is now in control of Alwyn Scholtz (Hendros brother) so lets hope he gets it off the ground. We still receive fuckall help from either the union or Canterbury regarding merchandise etc. so its all a bit slow. I have also moved to Johannesburg now so my input will be even less.

    Would like to get hold of Murph who I believe also lives here so we can get a fanclub up and running in the big lights.

    Take care, drop me a mail, shields

  53. avatar robdylan says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 8:57 pm

    Anyone out there?

  54. avatar StMichel says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 10:25 pm

    Of greater damnation are the De Villiers, Burgers and the Van Nikerks who highlight their hair and chose to wax their upper bodies.

    And of course it is not the ladies they are answerable to but their fathers and former school masters.

    Unacceptable and very South African

  55. avatar KSA Shark says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 10:38 pm

    :evil:

  56. avatar KSA Shark says:
    April 4th, 2006 at 10:45 pm

    Whinging
    Unacceptable and very British :wink:

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