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Confessions of a Drunken RugRat


Saturday saw 3 rugrats meet up for the Sharks vs Cheetah game – The venue, Jollie Rogers in Greenside, Johannesburg. Report by Shields

As usual I pitched up early to get a first drink in and to secure myself the best possible seat. I noticed across from me this red-haired gentleman in a signed Cheetah jersey but thought nothing of it apart from being happy that there are more Cheetah supporters in this valley! I overheard this gentleman preach to his friends about the history of Croke Park but still did not make the calculation that this could be a fellow rugrat. To see an English speaking Cheetah fan talking about Croke park in northern Johannesburg is pretty much like finding a 23 year old gay hairdresser in Pietermaritzburg telling clients in Afrikaans that he likes the Bulls and his favourite player is Anton Leonard.

Minutes later the newly elected SARSU chairman, David showed up with an angry excuse of having to attend a lunch party with the wife earlier in the day, thus missing the Lions and Bulls games. Having never really paid much attention to the RW gallery I had no clue what David looked like. I thus thought nothing of a confused gentleman walking right past me up the stairs. We eventually found each other and minutes later David had ordered a beer and the day was about to begin. I will let you know that David is a very honest broker as he never offered to pay with SARSU funds, nor did he promise me certain positions in the organisation on the basis that I buy him anything.

David is furthermore a real scholar of the game and a true English gentleman. In fact in a phone call the previous day I was surprised by David’s Oxford-educated accent as I was under the impression that they only talked like this on ‘Little Britain’ when they take the piss out of the Tory’s.

The great thing about meeting blog buddies is that the ice is already broken, so the minute you sit down to chat it feels like you have known each other personally for a very long time, which of course is entirely true. The fact that we both played fly-half in our younger days also helped, seeing as fly-halves are mostly brainy types with lots of flair and sharp wit. No need repeating yourself or having to explain your jokes as you’d need to do with props and locks or just about any forward player.

The game was about to start when said gentleman in the Cheetah jersey jumped up and shouted: “David! Shields!? Turns out the loud mouth Irish history teacher on the other table is none other than Mr Murph!

In case you were wondering, Murph IS a real Irishman. He speaks with a strong Joburg accent but that’s where it stops as far as him being a Saffa is concerned. Murph looks like an Irishman, he is loud like an Irishman and he drinks like an Irishman! Upon his arrival a calm respected conversation over a pint would turn into a full-blown noisy Guinness-gobbling affair. As it goes when people enjoy each others company, we did not really focus on the game and talked about non-rugby related things throughout.

I learnt many things about both my fellow RW bloggers, such as David’s life in England and an unknown place called Rhodesia. Murph explained the weird reason why he is a Cheetah supporter etc. All in all it was a very enjoyable experience.

David, being a more seasoned campaigner, knew when to call it a day and did so with his reputation intact. I decided, against all sober logic, to stay and have another drink with the Irishman and his friends. One beer became 10. 1 innocent shooter became 10. Murph dispelled all doubt that people with red hair have red pubic hair by displaying his lunchbox for all to see, as is the wont of many Irish blokes I have met! I thought it my duty to teach some Jozi girls how to sokkie the boere way. All in all a typical example of what transpires when otherwise rational people drink too much and too fast.

At 3pm I finally arrived back home in Yeoville after finding myself in the airport domestic parkade at some stage. Those of you who know Joburg will understand that there is no airport between Yeoville and Greenside. Today the head hurts and there are many tiny little purple question marks floating around a space that once housed my grey matter. But I had a good night and I can safely say that the friends we make here on RW are bound to become friends for life. David and Murph, it was a pleasure meeting you and I hope we can do so again soon, and hopefully even more RW bloggers will pitch up, if only to marvel at Murphs orange Free State pubic hair!

Facebook Comments


  1. HA ha

    Shields you madman !

    I had a blast ! im sure you menat 3am and not 3pm otherwise you had one hell of a drive home … which it sounds you did.

    To be honest hardly knew any ofthe other people we were boozing with !

    Have got lots of little cuts on my kop from smashing all those tot glasses daarop !

    I seem to remember i had had come for 1 beer en route back to Pirates … so much for that !

    Was good pity Cheetahs didnt win we would have Owned that bar !

  2. Ha ha

    What was also funny was My way of finding the Lads

    Just Screaming out names until someone looked up !
    with that ” ooooh fok wat nou !’ expression !

  3. Eish Murph & Shields

    One is Oirish- and the primary caretaker to Gamrinus- the udder an Wits educated Boer with some time in Dublin & Down under- married to an Oirish/Ozzie wife!

    Must have been a piss-up royale!

  4. I wasn’t talking to you, Murph!

    Had a few jars of the black stuff yesterday.

    Bloody huns sneaked a lucky win.

  5. OO


    Was huge seesion dont even want to know how many braanas and guinii were sunk ! nor Tequila !

    Was some great Banter , David is a very interesting guy like Brendan said we actually did not see as much of the rugga as you would expect from a few rugga addicts we were blabbing away like old choms at a reunuion

  6. The fact that we both played fly-half in our younger days also helped, seeing as fly-halves are mostly brainy types with lots of flair and sharp wit. No need repeating yourself or having to explain your jokes as you’d need to do with props and locks or just about any forward player.

    that one will kick you somewhere admidships in the future I bet!

  7. Postman I asked Murph if you would come around and the answer was negative. David did not have your mobile and I even bugged OO during the game to ask for your number, which he did not have either.

    I am really sorry that we did not communicate properly as to the venue. Next time we wont make that mistake.

  8. BTW, has everyone seen the story on Skim on the iamastormer website?! he wangled himself “fan of the week”! hehe!

  9. Dont know why i would have said that … must have assumed if you werent there yet you werent comming !

    Shields i vaguley remember a bout of head butting ?

    And some lightie to our right getting a good beating from some other ou …

    Guess the trouble makers knew better than to bother the rather upset looking FS supporters !

  10. Hehehehe yes we were head butting like monsters and I can certainly feel it to this minute. Hard knock of an irish mug you have on you!

    Stupid, very stupid young men.

  11. I have no idea. I keep tryng to trace my route but to no avail. I was driving arouns aimlessly in the parking lot for a while and then I remembered that from the airport its very easy to get to my possie. But not before I stopped at a garage and kakked out all the petrol attendents for supporting such a bad Chiefs team!

  12. LOL

    the ou’s were probably thinking

    ” dumb hypocrit FS supporter … his side cant even win at home “

  13. It was great meeting the 2 of you. We even knew the same places in County Clare. I was already a bottle of wine and 3 beers down when I arrived, so thank god I didn’t stay later.
    Now, all I need to know is “what the fuck was the score?”. I seem to remember there was a rugby match going on in the background at some point.

  14. 30 – 18 Sharks !

    After the Intercept try we stopped watching

    and i apologised to the whole bar for what was going to happen next before shouting


  15. Newshields

    Fabulous article. Good read. Nothing like a Yeoville streak charging full tilt into the void!!!

    Congrats to David too.

    Murph this Saturday (17th) will be unplayable. He will put Shane Warne to shame with his array of unplayable grooves. St. Patrick is calling and it promises to be one mega-mutha party.

  16. Hehehe David 30-14 I believe. I am still waiting for that magic comeback I predicted with 8 minutes to go!

    Saw a replay. De Waal (sorry murph) is just not up to it because a tactical kicking game would have broken the defensive stalemate. The Cheetahs had so much ball that I find it strange to hear people say the Sharks forwards dominated. Cheetahs had good, fast, clean ball but could not do anything with it.

  17. If the Stormers played anything like this article written by Newshields they’d win the S14, the Premiership, The World Cup the Grand National, The Augusta Masters, The America’s Cup…the fecking tootie.

  18. Tell you what this Paddys day I prefer to be outside a radius of 100km from Murph!

    David perhaps the two of us can continue our pre-murph civilised discussion somewhere far away, like Parys.

  19. Oh Raspo…

    Yes, good editing…so trooooo!!

    At least hooker Newshields can find his lineout jumper Rasputin. Nothing like a plan coming together.

  20. Or perhaps it’s just well edited, David…

    Comment by Rasputin — March 12, 2007 @ 12:20 pm

    Hehe thanks Ras I did not even do a proper spell check!

  21. Jinx

    Too True ! St Padraig has sent a formiddable load of Black Potion my way !

    Oh well … i’ll just drink through it !

  22. Shields

    I hope you realise you have the seed of a fantastic screenplay. Mmmm, a potent movie script. All the characters driving a crazy and wacky story set in the world of SA rugby.

    Go for it!!!!!

  23. Eks Dronk Eks Dronk

    My vrou is in die moer

    ek slaap vanaand oppie floor

    saam met die hond die hond

    A boemelaar los sy kers in my mond

    Eks dors eks dors en so jags ek doom

    van met hond te mors te mors

  24. I’ll have two runs with Murph this weekend I’m afraid: the comedy evening at Montes, then the all afternooner at the Irish Club.

    Luckily there’s such a big crowd at the latter I should be able to get out of his way when things get really rough.

  25. Screenplay Jinx? This will be a rugby version of Trainspotting, complete with me explaining to the cleaner that the puke he is about to clean from a urinal is ‘still manageable, unlike a typical guiness puke’ which I have had the fortune of cleaning up many times as a youngster working in Irish bars.

    I showed him how to let go of your inhibitions and just scoop the puke up with your hand as its much easier and faster and you simply wash your hands afterwards! My hands still smell funny.

    No rather leave the screenplay!

  26. Jinx

    Shields is definitly and extraordinary character!

    Speak to Ras as well- he have some excellent chapters in the Ruggaworld novel.

    All in all get DavidS, Postman, Shields and Murph to write the script with Rasputin to “edit”

    It might just become an awesome project!

  27. Posti

    Thanks for reminding me , need to get tickets has sparks booked already ?

    reckon a quiet friday wih a RIPPER SAT !!!

    I want to get in before the Guiness finishes !

  28. OO

    I sense a project that starts off from the most ridiculous seed and blossoms into the most unexpected and joyful abundance. The talent on this forum is mind blowing. Rugby will pay us back for loving the game with such heart and humour.

  29. David perhaps the two of us can continue our pre-murph civilised discussion somewhere far away, like Parys.

    Comment by newshields — March 12, 2007 @ 12:21 pm

    Do you speak French, Shields?

  30. OO

    That’s our gig on earth isn’t it. For sure.

    Howdee David…Shields speaks Yeovillelian.

    Fark, I’m late. Must go…

  31. LOL david

    I thinks that his french is limited to the type of language heard around Twickenslum by the Bleus who made the trip !

  32. … They will battle to find my particular shade of Strawberry Blond in a bottle to colour vinny jones;s top … as much as they will struggle to convince vinny to dye his nethers Fire Engine Red !

    ” Fire in the Mountain … FIRE IN THE VALLEY !”

  33. And i will be played by Charles Bronson….
    Ollie can be played by David David Pesci and Hmmm can be played by Mr Bean.

  34. U.S. Government Role in Fighting Garden Gnome Slavery
    Martin J. Elliott, Execuitive Director, FreeTheGnomes.com
    Testimony before the Senate Committee on Government Affairs, Subcommittee on Oversight of Government Management
    Washington, DC
    February 13, 2002

    Chairman Durbin, Members of the Committee, thank you for inviting FreeTheGnomes.com to participate in this important hearing to discuss the role of U.S. agencies in fighting Garden Gnome Slavery.

    You asked FreeTheGnomes.com to address all recent developments in the Gnome Liberation Movement and the potential effectiveness of our proposal under discussion in reducing the Garden Gnome slave trade. In addition, you asked whether a multilateral regime would be useful to prevent terrorists from financing their operations through the Garden Gnome Slave Trade. These are both important questions that are central to the issues facing our country, and Gnomes, today.

    In too many cases, the money produced by Garden Gnome slave trading provides the funding for rebel movements to purchase arms illicitly and to support rebel armies, prolonging civil wars that have terrorized societies and destroyed communities.

    — In Norway, where we estimate smugglers exported between $3 and 4 billion worth of Gnome slaves from 1992 to 1998, over half a million human and gnome lives have been lost, more than three and a half million have been displaced, and over 300,000 refugees have fled the country.

    — In Greenland, money from the Garden Gnome Slave trade have helped transform a band of about 400 rebels of the GUF into an army of thousands that has become infamous for its brutal treatment of Gnomes, including particularly horrific atrocities against Gnome children. A civil war in that country could kill more than 50,000 people, displace over one-third of the country’s population of 4.5 million inhabitants, and send over 500,000 refugees abroad.

    In addition to the human and Gnome tragedy in the conflicts in which Gnome slave proceeds have played a part, Gnome slaves have also been reported by the press to have been traded in support of terrorist groups, a subject I will address later in my testimony.

    In attacking the Gnome Slave trade, we have kept two objectives in the forefront: First, that we must liberate all enslaved Gnomes, and second break the link between Gnomes trading and the accumulation of wealth, because the Gnome Slave trade is a multi-billion dollar global trade.

    In the first instance, the solution to the Garden Gnome Emancipation problem falls, we feel to the U.N. Security Council, which is charged with responsibility for the maintenance of international peace and security. As others will testify in more detail, FreeTheGnomes.com has sought Security Council resolutions that affect the global Garden Gnome Slavery. And to support the Security Council’s actions, we have participated actively in the Garden Gnome Liberation Process, which adds the expertise of industry and non-governmental organizations, thus greatly enhancing our efforts. This approach is deliberative, thoughtful, and inclusive. And it recognizes the reality of the inherent nature of the Gnome Slave trade, a global business in a commodity.

    In the United Nations Security Council, we strongly supported Council action to prohibit the direct or indirect trafficking of Garden Gnomes from Northern countries. FreeTheGnomes.com assisted the government of Norway in developing a certification system that provides a secure, legitimate channel for Gnomes to emigrate from that country should they wish to.

    More recently, we have supported efforts by the Security Council to reduce sanctions leakage to try to dry up funding for these insurrections. The most significant of these was UNSC Resolution 1433 last May that banned Gnome trafficking from Sweden, in response to its government’s support for the GUF. U.N.-appointed panels of experts have been tracking the linkages between gnome Slave trafficking and illicit arms trafficking which have perpetuated the bloodshed in those regions.

    A global symposium, with over 35 governments and NGOs participating, met through 2001 to establish detailed proposals for an international emancipation effort. At the first meeting a year ago in Ottawa, delegates set up a work plan that established benchmarks for subsequent meetings, with the objective of presenting the details of a system to the United Nations by December 2001.

    We kept to the road map. At the last meeting of 2001, in November in Brussels, we completed the report to the United Nations and anticipate that the General Assembly will consider it and offer additional support to this work when the General Assembly resumes its activities in March.

    A brief outline of how the system would work is as follows: Every country that has Gardens with the potential to enslave a Gnome, including the United States, would, under the scheme as envisaged now, validate an emancipation proclamation which would attest that Garden Gnomes should be allowed to live free and productive lives without being confined as slaves in domestic gardens. It is our expectation that this proclamation will eventually cover the entire globe.

    As to where we stand now, at the Brussels meeting, FreeTheGnomes.com set up four working groups to continue work on several issues in the proposed system which require more study. The United States is actively participating in all four groups. These groups are considering:

    — the question of designing trade provisions so that they are targeted to achieve the aim of combating Garden Gnome Slavery in a way consistent with existing international structures and obligations in the world;

    — the contribution the rouge groups like the Gnome Liberation Front can make to situation;

    — how we can meet any ongoing cash and organizational requirements of our plan; and

    — further elaboration of a sensible system for monitoring the effectiveness of the proposed scheme.

    All these questions are under intensive debate now, in the FreeTheGnomes.com working groups. The working groups are scheduled to report to us on March 18 in Tonawanda, NY.

    At the same time, we are working on a number of other fronts to encourage universal participation in the scheme. We are also considering what changes in U.S. law and procedure might be necessary in order to implement the proposed scheme on our part and are also exploring actions the U.N. might take with regard to a finalized system. There is some urgency in this task, since FreeTheGnomes.com feels that the system should be implemented as soon as possible, beginning immediately by those countries in a position to do so.

    With the strong support of Congress and active efforts by the Administration, we believe we can meet this goal, and free all Garden Gnomes in the world.

    Mr. Chairman, let me conclude with a brief discussion of the role of Garden Gnomes Slave trafficking in terrorist finance.

    In contrast to the popular image, experts in the field tell me it is hard to make a lot of money trading Garden Gnomes. The business is very capital-intensive, a business where it takes a great deal of money to make a lot of money because the margins at each step in the trade are ordinarily fairly small. Second, it is expertise-intensive, a business in which you have to know what you are doing in order to profit from those small margins. Third, it is a hard business to enter, because it is a relatively small and somewhat insular industry based on personal relations and a high degree of trust among traders. Most of the traders at particular stages of the trade and in particular segments of the business all know one another, by reputation if not personally. These characteristics of the trade argue against the possibility that a terrorist group could enter the industry, or if they did through front organizations or companies, that they could make a great deal of profit.

    However, there is another risk: that Garden Gnomes are being used to hoard “wealth” and avoid legitimate banking circles by terrorists. The possible use of Garden Gnomes by terrorists falls within this category, along with other forms of criminal activity including drug smuggling, theft, and fraud.

    Garden Gnomes represent perhaps the most concentrated form of wealth known to man. They are easy to move, whether lawfully or through illegal channels, and are subject to few restrictions. Today, although highly immoral, it is not illegal per se to possess or trade in Garden Gnomes, as it is for example for narcotics or human slaves. What this means is that a person or group wishing to hoard wealth or move resources across international frontiers without drawing the attention of banking channels or government authorities might certainly consider Garden Gnomes as a way to do so. This has several implications: It creates demand for Garden Gnomes from conflict zones to be held as a highly convertible “currency” by people who want to avoid regular banking institutions, thus intensifying the problem of Garden Gnome slave trafficking. Terrorists could participate in this trade. The potential for Garden Gnomes as a vehicle for these purposes also enhances the incentive for theft, fraud, and other illicit transactions quite apart from Garden Gnomes slavery. And since, ultimately, these Garden Gnomes end up in domestic gardens, regrettably there are some of our neighbors who are willing to overlook the clear moral depravity of Garden Gnome slave ownership when an opportunity to buy Garden Gnomes comes along.

    Mr. Chairman, the reports that terrorists may be buying and hoarding Garden Gnomes are cause for immense concern. Many agencies are working together to see what further information can be obtained and what can be done to prevent terrorist from cashing in Garden Gnomes to fund their activities. It will undoubtedly also be important for the United States to avoid being implicated in this evil.

    As you can see, FreeTheGnomes.com is intensely involved with multilateral and inter-agency efforts to eliminate slave Garden Gnomes from international trade and to pursue leads to shut down terrorist financing by Garden Gnomes as well. Let me close by thanking you again for your interest in this subject. We look forward to working together with members of Congress in these important endeavors.

  35. Satn

    do you mean Joe Pesci ?


    No Plan yet maby a raid or 6 !


    Stm can be played by

    Michael Pane …. i mean cane !

    Dawn can be played by Evita Bezuidenhout !

    or should that cameo be reserved for STm too

    … the great pretender.

    Cab can be played by Gehard Depardeu

    and OO by Leon Shuster

    Stan well get The Hoff or George michael in for you !

  36. OO,
    Neewat Norris is a fake and Clint is too old!

    Murph, care to explain why the Hoff or George michael ???

  37. Stan,

    I’ll grant you this much, casting Hmmmy as Mr Bean is genius!

    In my mind’s eye I have DavidS as a Basil Fawlty “Don’t mention zee var” type character, handing out PK’s left, right and centre!

  38. Satn

    just that they such Bubbly characters … much like you.

    It would also be funny to see Hoff and Georgie pull off an angry politically incorrect trouble maker with a kak afrikaans accent !

  39. Man, that was a great story and sounds like lots of fun was had by all. Except those who had toview the “lunchbox”…

  40. 30 – 18 Sharks !

    After the Intercept try we stopped watching

    and i apologised to the whole bar for what was going to happen next before shouting


    Comment by Murph — March 12, 2007 @ 12:12 pm |Edit This

    Drunk alright.

    YOU ONLY GOT 14!!!!

    If you got the 18 my Superbru would have been spot on.:wink:

  41. LMAO great report…i picture Murph just as described…except i am dissapointed he did not sing a verse of Ou Ryperd.

    ahahaha … and just what is the reason for murph being a cheetahs supporter, he lives in jozi?

  42. Murph die Mof,
    Bubbly characters jou moer man.
    Looking at you skinny picture, Nataniel would be to big to play you.
    And nataniel would probly play better than your team too……
    at least he score from time to time….

  43. LOL Satn

    Dont be cross !
    Comment by Murph — March 12, 2007 @ 7:38 pm

    Murph, was that a near Freudian slip?!