DavidS takes a look at different provincial fans and sees if he can insult the lot.
First off for these purposes, I’ve just looked at the Bulls, Lions, Cheetahs, Sharks and WP. The rest are wannabes.
Bulls Supporter
Personality
Your IQ appears on the back of your present skipper’s jersey. Every Saturday you and 70 000 other idiots share a brain cell for 80 minutes. The words to Liefling and and Bloubul have been hardwire programmed into your head. You wear two tone shirts, wear old army PT pants and rugby socks all the time. Your cell phone has more memory than you do and is bigger than your member, but not as big as your moustache. You have the biggest moth at a party.
Favorite car
As long as it’s more expensive than your neighbor’s, most probably the newest double cab.
Favorite drink
Klipdrift and Castle. Both make you brave enough to go and try moer your wife when the Bulls lose.
Typical supporters
Stan, BGG, Aldo
Sharks Supporter
Personality
You’re a closet, even though you’re married. Your wife is probably queer too or a sex change. You wear Ray-Bans and out of fashion beach clothes. You got stuck with Bob Marley music and still smoke weed with your grandfather.
Favorite car
Cars are too expressive of materialism for you so you drive any crap, because you can’t afford any better.
Drink
If it’s free you’ll drink it. Since they stopped making Lion you’re screwed.
Typical Sharks:
Robd, KSAShark, Big Fish
Cheetahs
Under the dictionary explanation for uninformed is the word ‘Cheetah Supporter’. When visitors to Bloem ask for directions to the Escort Agency, you direct them to the Ford Garage. The only thing flatter than your head are the plains of the Free State. You think ‘stock exchange’ is where you go and sell farm animals in English.
Car
If it works on diesel you have it. Your daughter’s vibrator is a diesel.
Dop
Shooters. To get your family worldly wise you sent your son to Tukkies and he brought the idea back. Since then shooters is the ‘next big thing’ in the Free State.
Supporters
Newshields, Oranje Orakel, Private Ryan
WP Supporters
They’re still working at a top secret genetic lab in Switzerland to develop and organism more arrogant than you. You think humanity outside the Cape must automatically be impressed with your stupid flat mountain, sour wine and vrot dry snoek. Your laid back lifestyle is just a mask to excuse your laziness and drug abuse. You think a ruck is foreplay.
Car
With wheels, four and preferably round
Favorite drink
Since you found tik, the alcohol industry has taken a hammering with sales in the Cape.
Typical Supporter
Donner, Boertjie, Provincejoulekkading
Lions supporter
Personality
You are the epitomy of enlightened genius….
No just joking!
Your great granny was the first prostitute on the mines. You only go to watch your team when they’re winning, thus you don’t know how to get to Ellis park. In contrast to other province’s supporters you moer your wife when the Lions win. Consequently the last five generations of your family don’t have wife beaters any longer.
Car
Anything you can steal
Drink
Redbull and Vodka, Black Label and Cutex Remover
Typical fans
DavidS, Cab, Kietiekat
There you go
Everyone duly insulted.
Even me!
How good is DavidS?
elcamino
ROOILEEU
Tina
logan
Deon
Thomas_Bulls
garyj1-Bulls
Aldo
Amethyst
Methos The French Stormer
KingPaul
JT_BOKBEFOK!
trevormayhew
RUGGA_MIND
Pokkel
Quinn25
Marcel
namboer
moose
Jacques(Bunny)Somtimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sits
Vernonimous
Pom in Joburg
Watte
niekie
Dante
Panther
Vetgesmeerde Blits
bryce_in_oz
Kozac
Blokkies
Number12_Lions
Brutus2
Lehe6
Estian Nortier
DavidS
johanleroux13
Morné
Tafelberg
pietstreak
Ollie
Koos
September 14th, 2007 at 8:21 am
Lovely. What about sharks supporters from pretoria?
September 14th, 2007 at 8:23 am
How things have changed – wasnt there a time when Northern Transvaal (Bulls) supporters used to drive Ford Cortina Big 6′s, preferably in orange and black?
September 14th, 2007 at 8:23 am
“How good is DavidS?”
Feeling a bit insecure again this morning?
September 14th, 2007 at 8:24 am
What about sharks supporters from pretoria?
Comment by robdylan© — September 14, 2007 @ 8:21 am
A weed smoking SOB with an IQ of 2.
September 14th, 2007 at 8:25 am
I am a Sharks fan and couldn’t disagree more. I don’t listen to Bob Marley, I prefer Rick Astley and Bros!
September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Man Dave this is funny sh!t.
So exactly how much Cutex Remover did you imbibe before writing this??
From a non-closet Sharks fan.
September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am
… and from Pretoria too!
September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am
Sorry I asked!
September 14th, 2007 at 8:30 am
I actually bought a rick astley cd a while ago. It was so shit I gave it to charity
September 14th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Ok that’s enough sharing from me for a while!
But being from Pretoria I may as well share the 3 steps to becoming a Bulls fan …
1L Brandy
2L Coke
3L Ford
September 14th, 2007 at 8:32 am
HB
Nice try
I drove in your car during Super 14 and I will catagorically state that all I listened to was marley and I choked on the weed fumes!
September 14th, 2007 at 8:33 am
Eish quinn
Worst of both worlds
September 14th, 2007 at 8:34 am
“Lovely. What about sharks supporters from pretoria?”
They still drive their PT double-cabs, but now with a Malibu on the roof and ‘only a surfer know’s the feeling’ bumper stickers on… usually seen out at New Pier, dropping in on the short-boarders screaming “nooit checkout my swerve” with a thermos of klippies strapped to his back…
September 14th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Actually,tik monsters drink alot,they just dont really get drunk.
Not that i have any experience but thats what ive heard.
September 14th, 2007 at 9:05 am
I don’t drink shooters,
OK, I do :shy:
Have anyone bought/driven a new Ford
Ranger?
Feck, I gotta get one of those.
September 14th, 2007 at 9:13 am
When visitors to Bloem ask for directions to the Escort Agency, you direct them to the Ford Garage.
Classic!!!
September 14th, 2007 at 9:27 am
ha ha ha DavidS my ou maat.
Dis nou lekker snaaks.
I was soooo sad when I realised each “capter” is sooo short.
You may write as many pages as you like on each “animal”.
It will be immortalised!!!
September 14th, 2007 at 9:28 am
and a “hot rock” is a stripper from Bloemfontein
Dont agree with the Sharks fan description, as lifeguards we used to pomp those Pretoria girls on holiday…stukkend. I think the closet ou’s are those from the bottom left side of the country.
Oh and by the way my Grandad didnt smoke zol, but then he was from the eastern Cape.
September 14th, 2007 at 9:29 am
DavidS
moer funny my ou maat.
Write pages on each.
I will print it for review – often.
It was way toooo short.
More please give us MORE !!!!!!
September 14th, 2007 at 9:39 am
Have anyone driven a Ford Lately?
September 14th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Not yet Rob
But bets on PR will be down at the Ford garage this afternoon asking to drive one
September 14th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Davids according to your take on the different supporters I fit the profile more of a Sharks supporter than a Lions one.
September 14th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
csb your location has a but if an influence on that.
September 14th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Your wife is probably queer too or a sex change
thanks a flippin lot DavidS
September 14th, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Oooooh jinneeeee
September 14th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Comment by robdylan© — September 14, 2007 @ 9:39 am
I just sold one
September 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
I am from abroad but I would like to be considered amongst WP supporters near to Donner, Boertjie and Provincejoulekkading.
Go Streeptruie
September 14th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
HO
‘near to’
Now that just doesnt sound right.
September 14th, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Pafster
near to=near
September 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Henry you good man you
September 14th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
#
Pafster
near to=near
Comment by Henry Oswald — September 14, 2007 @ 2:21 pm
September 14th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Sharks Supporter
Personality
You’re a closet
WP Supporters
They’re still working at a top secret genetic lab in Switzerland to develop and organism more arrogant than you
Man I think you suffer from dylexia. You have switched these two around.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
I ust point out that Shields is a closet
Capetonian in my opinion
Hardlt a typical FS supporter !
Very camp that one with a good few twists of
snobbish pauper typical cape twang !
September 14th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
By Jove DavidS. I am a WP supporter. And you can consider me well-heeled.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I KNEW there was something fruity about you, St Mick
September 16th, 2007 at 9:43 pm