DavidS takes a look at different provincial fans and sees if he can insult the lot.
First off for these purposes, I’ve just looked at the Bulls, Lions, Cheetahs, Sharks and WP. The rest are wannabes.
Your IQ appears on the back of your present skipper’s jersey. Every Saturday you and 70 000 other idiots share a brain cell for 80 minutes. The words to Liefling and and Bloubul have been hardwire programmed into your head. You wear two tone shirts, wear old army PT pants and rugby socks all the time. Your cell phone has more memory than you do and is bigger than your member, but not as big as your moustache. You have the biggest moth at a party.
As long as it’s more expensive than your neighbor’s, most probably the newest double cab.
Klipdrift and Castle. Both make you brave enough to go and try moer your wife when the Bulls lose.
Stan, BGG, Aldo
You’re a closet, even though you’re married. Your wife is probably queer too or a sex change. You wear Ray-Bans and out of fashion beach clothes. You got stuck with Bob Marley music and still smoke weed with your grandfather.
Cars are too expressive of materialism for you so you drive any crap, because you can’t afford any better.
If it’s free you’ll drink it. Since they stopped making Lion you’re screwed.
Robd, KSAShark, Big Fish
Under the dictionary explanation for uninformed is the word ‘Cheetah Supporter’. When visitors to Bloem ask for directions to the Escort Agency, you direct them to the Ford Garage. The only thing flatter than your head are the plains of the Free State. You think ‘stock exchange’ is where you go and sell farm animals in English.
If it works on diesel you have it. Your daughter’s vibrator is a diesel.
Shooters. To get your family worldly wise you sent your son to Tukkies and he brought the idea back. Since then shooters is the ‘next big thing’ in the Free State.
Newshields, Oranje Orakel, Private Ryan
They’re still working at a top secret genetic lab in Switzerland to develop and organism more arrogant than you. You think humanity outside the Cape must automatically be impressed with your stupid flat mountain, sour wine and vrot dry snoek. Your laid back lifestyle is just a mask to excuse your laziness and drug abuse. You think a ruck is foreplay.
With wheels, four and preferably round
Since you found tik, the alcohol industry has taken a hammering with sales in the Cape.
Donner, Boertjie, Provincejoulekkading
You are the epitomy of enlightened genius….
No just joking!
Your great granny was the first prostitute on the mines. You only go to watch your team when they’re winning, thus you don’t know how to get to Ellis park. In contrast to other province’s supporters you moer your wife when the Lions win. Consequently the last five generations of your family don’t have wife beaters any longer.
Anything you can steal
Redbull and Vodka, Black Label and Cutex Remover
DavidS, Cab, Kietiekat
There you go
Everyone duly insulted.
How good is DavidS?