Insulting provincial fans in South Africa

September 14, 2007
Posted by

DavidS takes a look at different provincial fans and sees if he can insult the lot.

First off for these purposes, I’ve just looked at the Bulls, Lions, Cheetahs, Sharks and WP. The rest are wannabes.

Bulls Supporter

Personality

Your IQ appears on the back of your present skipper’s jersey. Every Saturday you and 70 000 other idiots share a brain cell for 80 minutes. The words to Liefling and and Bloubul have been hardwire programmed into your head. You wear two tone shirts, wear old army PT pants and rugby socks all the time. Your cell phone has more memory than you do and is bigger than your member, but not as big as your moustache. You have the biggest moth at a party.

Favorite car

As long as it’s more expensive than your neighbor’s, most probably the newest double cab.

Favorite drink

Klipdrift and Castle. Both make you brave enough to go and try moer your wife when the Bulls lose.

Typical supporters

Stan, BGG, Aldo

Sharks Supporter

Personality

You’re a closet, even though you’re married. Your wife is probably queer too or a sex change. You wear Ray-Bans and out of fashion beach clothes. You got stuck with Bob Marley music and still smoke weed with your grandfather.

Favorite car

Cars are too expressive of materialism for you so you drive any crap, because you can’t afford any better.

Drink

If it’s free you’ll drink it. Since they stopped making Lion you’re screwed.

Typical Sharks:

Robd, KSAShark, Big Fish

Cheetahs

Under the dictionary explanation for uninformed is the word ‘Cheetah Supporter’. When visitors to Bloem ask for directions to the Escort Agency, you direct them to the Ford Garage. The only thing flatter than your head are the plains of the Free State. You think ‘stock exchange’ is where you go and sell farm animals in English.

Car

If it works on diesel you have it. Your daughter’s vibrator is a diesel.

Dop

Shooters. To get your family worldly wise you sent your son to Tukkies and he brought the idea back. Since then shooters is the ‘next big thing’ in the Free State.

Supporters

Newshields, Oranje Orakel, Private Ryan

WP Supporters

They’re still working at a top secret genetic lab in Switzerland to develop and organism more arrogant than you. You think humanity outside the Cape must automatically be impressed with your stupid flat mountain, sour wine and vrot dry snoek. Your laid back lifestyle is just a mask to excuse your laziness and drug abuse. You think a ruck is foreplay.

Car

With wheels, four and preferably round

Favorite drink

Since you found tik, the alcohol industry has taken a hammering with sales in the Cape.

Typical Supporter

Donner, Boertjie, Provincejoulekkading

Lions supporter

Personality

You are the epitomy of enlightened genius….

No just joking!

Your great granny was the first prostitute on the mines. You only go to watch your team when they’re winning, thus you don’t know how to get to Ellis park. In contrast to other province’s supporters you moer your wife when the Lions win. Consequently the last five generations of your family don’t have wife beaters any longer.

Car

Anything you can steal

Drink

Redbull and Vodka, Black Label and Cutex Remover

Typical fans

DavidS, Cab, Kietiekat

There you go

Everyone duly insulted.

Even me!

How good is DavidS?

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36 Comments

  1. avatar robdylan© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:21 am

    Lovely. What about sharks supporters from pretoria?

  2. avatar BobZZZ says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:23 am

    How things have changed – wasnt there a time when Northern Transvaal (Bulls) supporters used to drive Ford Cortina Big 6′s, preferably in orange and black?

  3. avatar Donner says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:23 am

    “How good is DavidS?”

    Feeling a bit insecure again this morning?

  4. avatar Donner says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:24 am

    What about sharks supporters from pretoria?

    Comment by robdylan© — September 14, 2007 @ 8:21 am

    A weed smoking SOB with an IQ of 2. :grin:

  5. avatar HB says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:25 am

    I am a Sharks fan and couldn’t disagree more. I don’t listen to Bob Marley, I prefer Rick Astley and Bros!

  6. avatar TheMightyQuin says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am

    Man Dave this is funny sh!t.

    So exactly how much Cutex Remover did you imbibe before writing this?? :lol:

    From a non-closet Sharks fan.

    :lol:

  7. avatar TheMightyQuin says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am

    … and from Pretoria too!

  8. avatar robdylan© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:26 am

    Sorry I asked!

  9. avatar robdylan© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:30 am

    I actually bought a rick astley cd a while ago. It was so shit I gave it to charity

  10. avatar TheMightyQuin says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:31 am

    Ok that’s enough sharing from me for a while!

    But being from Pretoria I may as well share the 3 steps to becoming a Bulls fan …

    1L Brandy
    2L Coke
    3L Ford

  11. avatar DavidS says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:32 am

    HB

    Nice try

    I drove in your car during Super 14 and I will catagorically state that all I listened to was marley and I choked on the weed fumes!

  12. avatar DavidS says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:33 am

    Eish quinn

    Worst of both worlds

  13. avatar bryce_in_oz says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 8:34 am

    “Lovely. What about sharks supporters from pretoria?”

    They still drive their PT double-cabs, but now with a Malibu on the roof and ‘only a surfer know’s the feeling’ bumper stickers on… usually seen out at New Pier, dropping in on the short-boarders screaming “nooit checkout my swerve” with a thermos of klippies strapped to his back…

  14. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:01 am

    Actually,tik monsters drink alot,they just dont really get drunk.

    Not that i have any experience but thats what ive heard.

  15. avatar PRIVATE RYAN says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:05 am

    I don’t drink shooters,
    OK, I do :shy:

    Have anyone bought/driven a new Ford
    Ranger?

    Feck, I gotta get one of those.

  16. avatar pafster says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:13 am

    When visitors to Bloem ask for directions to the Escort Agency, you direct them to the Ford Garage.

    Classic!!!

  17. avatar The Brand© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:27 am

    ha ha ha DavidS my ou maat.

    Dis nou lekker snaaks.

    I was soooo sad when I realised each “capter” is sooo short.

    You may write as many pages as you like on each “animal”.

    It will be immortalised!!!

  18. avatar 4man says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:28 am

    and a “hot rock” is a stripper from Bloemfontein :)

    Dont agree with the Sharks fan description, as lifeguards we used to pomp those Pretoria girls on holiday…stukkend. I think the closet ou’s are those from the bottom left side of the country.

    Oh and by the way my Grandad didnt smoke zol, but then he was from the eastern Cape. :)

  19. avatar The Brand© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:29 am

    DavidS

    moer funny my ou maat.

    Write pages on each.
    I will print it for review – often.

    It was way toooo short.

    More please give us MORE !!!!!!

  20. avatar robdylan© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:39 am

    Have anyone driven a Ford Lately?

  21. avatar DavidS says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 9:42 am

    Not yet Rob

    But bets on PR will be down at the Ford garage this afternoon asking to drive one

  22. avatar csb says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    Davids according to your take on the different supporters I fit the profile more of a Sharks supporter than a Lions one.

  23. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    csb your location has a but if an influence on that.

  24. avatar KSA Sharkette says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:23 pm

    Your wife is probably queer too or a sex change
    thanks a flippin lot DavidS :shock:

  25. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:27 pm

    Oooooh jinneeeee

  26. avatar Western Sauce says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 12:35 pm

    Comment by robdylan© — September 14, 2007 @ 9:39 am

    I just sold one

  27. avatar Henry Oswald says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    I am from abroad but I would like to be considered amongst WP supporters near to Donner, Boertjie and Provincejoulekkading.
    Go Streeptruie

  28. avatar pafster says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    HO

    ‘near to’

    Now that just doesnt sound right. :roll:

  29. avatar Henry Oswald says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    Pafster
    near to=near

  30. avatar Provincejoulekkading says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:40 pm

    Henry you good man you

  31. avatar pafster says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 2:44 pm

    #

    Pafster
    near to=near
    Comment by Henry Oswald — September 14, 2007 @ 2:21 pm

    :smile:

  32. avatar KSA Shark © says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Sharks Supporter
    Personality

    You’re a closet

    WP Supporters

    They’re still working at a top secret genetic lab in Switzerland to develop and organism more arrogant than you

    Man I think you suffer from dylexia. You have switched these two around.

  33. avatar Murph says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:19 pm

    I ust point out that Shields is a closet

    Capetonian in my opinion

    Hardlt a typical FS supporter !

    Very camp that one with a good few twists of

    snobbish pauper typical cape twang !

  34. avatar StMichel says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    By Jove DavidS. I am a WP supporter. And you can consider me well-heeled.

  35. avatar robdylan© says:
    September 14th, 2007 at 4:27 pm

    I KNEW there was something fruity about you, St Mick

  36. avatar SPINBOK aka OO says:
    September 16th, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    :smile:

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