Look the Ozzies have a great country and they cleverly do not allow anyone else to share their spoils (have you seen that program about their customs officials?) This means where we have towns like Margate, they have vast open beaches populated only by Kangaroos and flies, and we hate them for it.
However, just because you have never met a nice Ozzie does not mean there aren’t any. They might drive dodgy ‘utes’ and still wear mullets and wife-beaters and they talk funny – however the Ozzies are not the reason for the worlds problems. We should not hate old fair-dinkum. We should however pity them, and here is why:
The ozzies, despite the great weather they enjoy, have simply never learned to enjoy it properly. I know this because the Ozzies cannot braai. In fact they dont know what a braai is and therefore call it a BBQ, like the Amercians do.
Am I being harsh? Well lets look closely at the picture above:
These men spent at least an hour the morning before the photo shoot to clean their teeth. Any good Saffa would have spent this time making love to his woman and after doing this a few times- would have sorted out the stock for his braai.
Secondly, they use gas. They do so because a) they are by law not allowed to make fire anywhere in their nanny state and b) their little piano fingers get dirty when they have to handle real charcoal.
Thirdly, these effeminate cadres are not enjoying any liquid refreshments. I n fact it appears they never do. Herbal tea is all the rage down there – and most ‘men’ now grow their own.
Finally, and I cannot stress this point more pertinently: look at the size of those sausages!
Now I dont need to say much more – instead I shall show you what your average South African sausage looks like:
These ozzies have a working government and they are cleverer than us on the rugby field, but we need to pity them because their men are suffering silently inside. These two photos provide all the evidence.
If we beat these guys on Saturday, its because we deserve to by virtue of our genetic superiority. But the next time you prepare your braai with real wood and proper meat and wors ,spare a thought for those less fortunate…